"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."
-Emo Philips
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"Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something."
-Emo Philips
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"He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites."
-Emo Philips
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"When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas."
-Emo Philips
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"Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps."
-Emo Philips
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"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life."
-Emo Philips
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"But the wicked passions of men's hearts alone seem strong enough to leave pictures that persist the good are ever too luke-warm."
-Algernon H. Blackwood
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"Your thoughts and emotions are yours alone."
-John Buchanan Robinson
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"I think the idea that you can go this alone is - was a huge mistake. And unfortunately, there was a price paid in terms of suffering and pain for people in New Orleans."
-Michael Chertoff
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"You are forever alone."
-John Buchanan Robinson
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"I have two ideas for novels at the moment, neither of them all that conventional, but I'm not ready to choose between them yet, let alone settle down to the process of writing."
-Jonathan Coe
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"For each one of us stands alone in the midst of a universe."
-John Buchanan Robinson
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