Quotes by Erma Bombeck - AI Generated Quotes

Erma Bombeck

Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.

-Erma Bombeck

age

Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.

-Erma Bombeck

alone

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

-Erma Bombeck

birthday

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

-Erma Bombeck

business

Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.

-Erma Bombeck

car

Never have more children than you have car windows.

-Erma Bombeck

car

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

-Erma Bombeck

car

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

-Erma Bombeck

car

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.

-Erma Bombeck

car

Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.

-Erma Bombeck

car

It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.

-Erma Bombeck

car

It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.

-Erma Bombeck

courage

All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.

-Erma Bombeck

courage

I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.

-Erma Bombeck

courage

Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.

-Erma Bombeck

design

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

-Erma Bombeck

diet

Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.

-Erma Bombeck

dreams

It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.

-Erma Bombeck

dreams

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

-Erma Bombeck

family

Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.

-Erma Bombeck

family

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

-Erma Bombeck

food

Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.

-Erma Bombeck

food

Never order food in excess of your body weight.

-Erma Bombeck

food

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

-Erma Bombeck

funny

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.

-Erma Bombeck

funny

Never have more children than you have car windows.

-Erma Bombeck

funny

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

-Erma Bombeck

god

God created man, but I could do better.

-Erma Bombeck

god

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

-Erma Bombeck

graduation

For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.

-Erma Bombeck

home

Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.

-Erma Bombeck

home

Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go.

-Erma Bombeck

home

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

-Erma Bombeck

hope

When humor goes, there goes civilization.

-Erma Bombeck

humor

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

-Erma Bombeck

humor

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

Erma Bombeck

Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.

Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.

Never have more children than you have car windows.

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.

Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.

It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.

It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.

All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.

I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.

Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.

It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.

Never order food in excess of your body weight.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.

Never have more children than you have car windows.

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

God created man, but I could do better.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.

Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.

Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go.

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

When humor goes, there goes civilization.

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

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