Joe Rogan

• "The only time I commit to conspiracy theories is when something way retarded happens. Like Lee Harvey Oswald acting alone.“
• "If you can lie, you can act, and if you can lie to crazy girlfriends, you can act under pressure.“
• "I had a sense of who I was before I got famous.“
• "I really feel like it's a travesty to make a child famous. I really do.“
• "That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard.“
• "It's painful for me to watch someone who isn't funny. It's horrifying to sit in the back and watch some guy who just totally sucks.“
• "I had seen movies before that that had made me laugh, but I had never seen anything even remotely close to as funny as Richard Pryor was, just standing there talking.“
• "I wouldn't totally rule out doing Letterman or the Tonight Show if I had a set that I just happened to write that I thought was funny but was still appropriate for network censors. But I'm not going to go out of my way.“
• "The audience changes every night. You're the same person. You have to speak your mind and do the stuff that you think is funny and makes you laugh.“
• "The misconception is that standup comics are always on. I don't know any really funny comics that are annoying and constantly trying to be funny all the time.“
• "I never in my wildest imagination dreamed that I would somehow become a sports commentator.“
• "Never stay in a bad marriage, and don't hang around with psycho coke fiends.“
• "I had seen movies before that that had made me laugh, but I had never seen anything even remotely close to as funny as Richard Pryor was, just standing there talking.“
• "Your body's really only meant to compete at the highest levels of combat sports for a few years.“
• "I never in my wildest imagination dreamed that I would somehow become a sports commentator.“
• "That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard.“

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