medical

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.

-Groucho Marx

medical
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

-Groucho Marx

medical
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

-Erma Bombeck

medical
They certainly give very strange names to diseases.

-Plato

medical
Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it.

-Erma Bombeck

medical
Medicine is my lawful wife and literature my mistress when I get tired of one, I spend the night with the other.

-Anton Chekhov

medical
When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

-Rodney Dangerfield

medical
Doctors are just the same as lawyers the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.

-Anton Chekhov

medical
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity.

-Arthur Schopenhauer

medical
Doctors will have more lives to answer for in the next world than even we generals.

-Napoleon Bonaparte

medical
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.

-Isaac Asimov

medical
Illness is the doctor to whom we pay most heed to kindness, to knowledge, we make promise only pain we obey.

-Marcel Proust

medical
Three-quarters of the sicknesses of intelligent people come from their intelligence. They need at least a doctor who can understand this sickness.

-Marcel Proust

medical
A physician's physiology has much the same relation to his power of healing as a cleric's divinity has to his power of influencing conduct.

-Samuel Butler

medical
You may not be able to read a doctor's handwriting and prescription, but you'll notice his bills are neatly typewritten.

-Earl Wilson

medical
Modern medicine is a negation of health. It isn't organized to serve human health, but only itself, as an institution. It makes more people sick than it heals.

-Ivan Illich

medical
Whenever a doctor cannot do good, he must be kept from doing harm.

-Hippocrates

medical
The best doctor is the one you run to and can't find.

-Denis Diderot

medical
I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

-Rita Rudner

medical
As a medical doctor, it is my duty to evaluate the situation with as much data as I can gather and as much expertise as I have and as much experience as I have to determine whether or not the wish of the patient is medically justified.

-Jack Kevorkian

medical
Time is generally the best doctor.

-Ovid

medical
My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more.

-Walter Matthau

medical
When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.

-Henny Youngman

medical
The great secret of doctors, known only to their wives, but still hidden from the public, is that most things get better by themselves most things, in fact, are better in the morning.

-Lewis Thomas

medical
Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it.

-Ovid

medical
I was always shocked when I went to the doctor's office and they did my X-ray and didn't find that I had eight more ribs than I should have or that my blood was the color green.

-Nicolas Cage

medical
In the name of Hypocrites, doctors have invented the most exquisite form of torture ever known to man: survival.

-Edward Everett Hale

medical
The doctors x-rayed my head and found nothing.

-Dizzy Dean

medical
I'm 86 and my doctor used to tell me to slow down - at least he did until he dropped dead.

-Cesar Romero

medical
Some people think that doctors and nurses can put scrambled eggs back in the shell.

-Cass Canfield

medical
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