"I'm thankful for Sarah Palin's vice presidential bid, which taught us that Alaska is not in a box off the coast of California."
-Paula Poundstone
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"I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings.“
-Paula Poundstone
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"I'm thankful that my memory is good because my vision is going."
-Paula Poundstone
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"I don't need a holiday or a feast to feel grateful for my children, the sun, the moon, the roof over my head, music, and laughter, but I like to take this time to take the path of thanks less traveled."
-Paula Poundstone
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"My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"
-Paula Poundstone
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"I used to watch 'The Waltons' and sob because my family was nothing like that. We had a cruel sense of humor in my family."
-Paula Poundstone
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"I have a very silly sense of humor. I've never laughed harder in my entire life than seeing someone with toilet paper stuck on the bottom of their shoe."
-Paula Poundstone
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"All of us, who are members of the Germanic peoples, can be happy and thankful that once in thousands of years fate has given us, from among the Germanic peoples, such a genius, a leader, our Fuehrer Adolf Hitler, and you should be happy to be allowed to work with us."
-Heinrich Himmler
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"The worst moment for the atheist is when he is really thankful and has nobody to thank."
-Dante Gabriel Rossetti
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"This little kid pointed at me and said, 'You look disgusting!' That was the first time I thought maybe I did. I decided I'd better start eating. I'm just thankful that I made it through with relatively few scars."
-Susan Dey
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"I've done it all. I'm thankful and proud of what I've accomplished in my life. I hope to keep doing it."
-Ralph Stanley
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"I went from not knowing anything to becoming really curious and wanting to know and respecting people in the industry, realizing how hard they work. I will always be thankful for 'Top Model' for that."
-Fatima Siad
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"We have to be thankful considering our number as a family we enjoy very good health generally but you may be sure me and my partner have quite enough to exercise our minds and occupy our attention."
-John Hawley
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