Paula Poundstone

• "The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.“
• "I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.“
• "I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings.“
• "I have a very silly sense of humor. I've never laughed harder in my entire life than seeing someone with toilet paper stuck on the bottom of their shoe.“
• "I used to watch 'The Waltons' and sob because my family was nothing like that. We had a cruel sense of humor in my family.“
• "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'“
• "I don't need a holiday or a feast to feel grateful for my children, the sun, the moon, the roof over my head, music, and laughter, but I like to take this time to take the path of thanks less traveled.“
• "I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings.“
• "I'm thankful that my memory is good because my vision is going.“
• "I'm thankful for Sarah Palin's vice presidential bid, which taught us that Alaska is not in a box off the coast of California.“

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