Doug Larson

"The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball."

"More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse."

"The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it."

"If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend."

"Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks."

"Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog."