Neil Simon

"You must realize that honorary degrees are given generally to people whose SAT scores were too low to get them into schools the regular way. As a matter of fact, it was my SAT scores that led me into my present vocation in life, comedy."

"Money brings some happiness. But after a certain point, it just brings more money."

"Take care of him. And make him feel important. And if you can do that, you'll have a happy and wonderful marriage. Like two out of every ten couples."

"Sudden money is going from zero to two hundred dollars a week. The rest doesn't count."

"Sports is the only entertainment where, no matter how many times you go back, you never know the ending."