Josh Billings

• "I think when the full horror of being fifty hits you, you should stay home and have a good cry.“
• "The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust.“
• "The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way.“
• "One of the best temporary cures for pride and affectation is seasickness a man who wants to vomit never puts on airs.“
• "The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord that it ain't gout.“
• "One of the rarest things that a man ever does, is to do the best he can.“
• "There are two kinds of fools: those who can't change their opinions and those who won't.“
• "There is nothing so easy to learn as experience and nothing so hard to apply.“
• "If there was no faith there would be no living in this world. We could not even eat hash with any safety.“
• "As a general thing, when a woman wears the pants in a family, she has a good right to them.“
• "The thinner the ice, the more anxious is everyone to see whether it will bear.“
• "There's a lot of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it.“
• "There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness.“
• "There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory.“
• "Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.“
• "Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.“
• "There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.“
• "Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it.“
• "It is not all bad, this getting old, ripening. After the fruit has got its growth it should juice up and mellow. God forbid I should live long enough to ferment and rot and fall to the ground in a squash.“
• "Laughter is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one place.“
• "Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.“
• "If you ever find happiness by hunting for it, you will find it, as the old woman did her lost spectacles, safe on her own nose all the time.“
• "A good way I know to find happiness, is to not bore a hole to fit the plug.“
• "There's a lot of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it.“
• "I think when the full horror of being fifty hits you, you should stay home and have a good cry.“
• "About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.“
• "There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory.“
• "Genius ain't anything more than elegant common sense.“
• "There is no greater evidence of superior intelligence than to be surprised at nothing.“
• "Knowledge is like money: the more he gets, the more he craves.“
• "Learning sleeps and snores in libraries, but wisdom is everywhere, wide awake, on tiptoe.“
• "Wisdom has never made a bigot, but learning has.“
• "Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.“
• "Love looks through a telescope envy, through a microscope.“
• "A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.“
• "Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it.“
• "The man whose only pleasure in life is making money, weighs less on the moral scale than an angleworm.“
• "Time is like money, the less we have of it to spare the further we make it go.“
• "Knowledge is like money: the more he gets, the more he craves.“
• "I haven't got as much money as some folks, but I've got as much impudence as any of them, and that's the next thing to money.“
• "It ain't often that a man's reputation outlasts his money.“
• "Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail.“
• "A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.“
• "There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.“
• "Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it.“
• "Most people repent their sins by thanking God they ain't so wicked as their neighbors.“
• "The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust.“
• "To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while.“
• "There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying.“
• "As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.“
• "Honesty is the rarest wealth anyone can possess, and yet all the honesty in the world ain't lawful tender for a loaf of bread.“
• "The wheel that squeaks the loudest is the one that gets the grease.“
• "Learning sleeps and snores in libraries, but wisdom is everywhere, wide awake, on tiptoe.“
• "Wisdom has never made a bigot, but learning has.“
• "Men mourn for what they have lost women for what they ain't got.“

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