"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."
-Emo Philips
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"Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something.“
-Emo Philips
posted in Women
Other Quotes by Emo Philips
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"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."
-Emo Philips
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"Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps."
-Emo Philips
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"Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day."
-Emo Philips
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"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life."
-Emo Philips
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"I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator."
-Emo Philips
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Same Category
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"All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages."
-William Shakespeare
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"Wherever men and women are persecuted because of their race, religion, or political views, that place must - at that moment - become the center of the universe."
-Elie Wiesel
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"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-Robert A. Heinlein
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"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'"
-Conan O'Brien
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"Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship."
-Oscar Wilde
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"Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speak by something outside himself like, for instance, he can't find any clean socks."
-Jean Kerr
WomenView Quote