"I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place."
-Steven Wright
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"Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'“
-Steven Wright
posted in life
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"I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time."
-Steven Wright
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"I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it."
-Steven Wright
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"Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time."
-Steven Wright
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"I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time."
-Steven Wright
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"I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance."
-Steven Wright
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Same Category
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"The highest use of capital is not to make more money, but to make money do more for the betterment of life."
-Henry Ford
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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
-Brooke Shields
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"There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way."
-Christopher Morley
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"What we call the secret of happiness is no more a secret than our willingness to choose life."
-Leo Buscaglia
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"Early in life I had to choose between honest arrogance and hypocritical humility. I chose the former and have seen no reason to change."
-Frank Lloyd Wright
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"Take a chance! All life is a chance. The man who goes farthest is generally the one who is willing to do and dare."
-Dale Carnegie
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