"If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work."
-Mitch Hedberg
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"I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.“
-Mitch Hedberg
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"I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality."
-Mitch Hedberg
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"Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show."
-Mitch Hedberg
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"Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'"
-Mitch Hedberg
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"I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all."
-Mitch Hedberg
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"I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific."
-Mitch Hedberg
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"I don't think balance is something you get from someone else it's something women have to find from within. For me, finding balance is still a work in progress."
-Rachel Weisz
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"From sixteen to twenty, all women, kept in humor by their hopes and by their attractions, appear to be good-natured."
-Samuel Richardson
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"I love women more than anything."
-Vin Diesel
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"When they take surveys of women in business, of the Fortune 500, the successful women, 80% of them, say they were in sports as a young woman."
-Billie Jean King
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"The Cause of Women is generally the Cause of Virtue."
-Samuel Richardson
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"Women are always most observed when they seem themselves least to observe, or to lay out for observation."
-Samuel Richardson
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