Woody Allen

Explore inspiring quotes by Woody Allen, a remarkable figure whose words continue to inspire and motivate people around the world.

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funny

6 quotes

death

5 quotes

god

5 quotes

good

3 quotes

nature

3 quotes

food

3 quotes

marriage

2 quotes

experience

2 quotes

Featured Quotes by Woody Allen

Some of the most memorable quotes from this author

"Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television."

— Woody Allenart

"I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys."

— Woody Allencar

"I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear."

— Woody Allenchange

"I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens."

— Woody Allendeath

"There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?"

— Woody Allendeath

"Marriage is the death of hope."

— Woody Allendeath

All Quotes by Woody Allen

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"Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television."

-Woody Allen

artView Quote

"I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys."

-Woody Allen

carView Quote

"I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear."

-Woody Allen

changeView Quote

"I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens."

-Woody Allen

deathView Quote

"There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?"

-Woody Allen

deathView Quote

"Marriage is the death of hope."

-Woody Allen

deathView Quote

"On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down ."

-Woody Allen

deathView Quote

"It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune."

-Woody Allen

deathView Quote

"I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers."

-Woody Allen

educationView Quote

"His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy."

-Woody Allen

educationView Quote

"Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good."

-Woody Allen

experienceView Quote

"It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune."

-Woody Allen

experienceView Quote

"If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative."

-Woody Allen

failureView Quote

"Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage."

-Woody Allen

foodView Quote

"I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead."

-Woody Allen

foodView Quote

"The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small."

-Woody Allen

foodView Quote

"I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens."

-Woody Allen

funnyView Quote

"My one regret in life is that I am not someone else."

-Woody Allen

funnyView Quote

"I failed to make the chess team because of my height."

-Woody Allen

funnyView Quote

"I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear."

-Woody Allen

funnyView Quote

"If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job."

-Woody Allen

funnyView Quote

"I think being funny is not anyone's first choice."

-Woody Allen

funnyView Quote

"If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans."

-Woody Allen

godView Quote

"If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank."

-Woody Allen

godView Quote

"As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on."

-Woody Allen

godView Quote

"To you I'm an atheist to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition."

-Woody Allen

godView Quote

"Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday."

-Woody Allen

godView Quote

"Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good."

-Woody Allen

goodView Quote

"It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more."

-Woody Allen

goodView Quote

"I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own."

-Woody Allen

goodView Quote

"I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government."

-Woody Allen

governmentView Quote

"I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!"

-Woody Allen

greatView Quote

"Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats."

-Woody Allen

homeView Quote

"Marriage is the death of hope."

-Woody Allen

hopeView Quote

"Seventy percent of success in life is showing up."

-Woody Allen

lifeView Quote

"Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good."

-Woody Allen

loveView Quote

"Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats."

-Woody Allen

marriageView Quote

"Marriage is the death of hope."

-Woody Allen

marriageView Quote

"Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons."

-Woody Allen

moneyView Quote

"Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea."

-Woody Allen

moneyView Quote

"If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right."

-Woody Allen

moviesView Quote

"As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on."

-Woody Allen

natureView Quote

"I am two with nature."

-Woody Allen

natureView Quote

"Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once."

-Woody Allen

natureView Quote

"I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia."

-Woody Allen

peaceView Quote

"Eighty percent of success is showing up."

-Woody Allen

successView Quote

"Seventy percent of success in life is showing up."

-Woody Allen

successView Quote

"I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers."

-Woody Allen

teacherView Quote

"I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose."

-Woody Allen

thankfulView Quote

"Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all."

-Woody Allen

timeView Quote

"Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once."

-Woody Allen

timeView Quote

"I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia."

-Woody Allen

warView Quote

"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying."

-Woody Allen

workView Quote

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Woody Allen

Top Categories by Woody Allen

funny

death

god

good

nature

food

marriage

experience

Featured Quotes by Woody Allen

All Quotes by Woody Allen

"Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television."

"I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys."

"I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear."

"I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens."

"There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?"

"Marriage is the death of hope."

"On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down ."

"It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune."

"I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers."

"His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy."

"Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good."

"It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune."

"If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative."

"Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage."

"I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead."

"The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small."

"I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens."

"My one regret in life is that I am not someone else."

"I failed to make the chess team because of my height."

"I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear."

"If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job."

"I think being funny is not anyone's first choice."

"If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans."

"If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank."

"As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on."

"To you I'm an atheist to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition."

"Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday."

"Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good."

"It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more."

"I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own."

"I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government."

"I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!"

"Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats."

"Marriage is the death of hope."

"Seventy percent of success in life is showing up."

"Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good."

"Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats."

"Marriage is the death of hope."

"Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons."

"Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea."

"If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right."

"As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on."

"I am two with nature."

"Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once."

"I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia."

"Eighty percent of success is showing up."

"Seventy percent of success in life is showing up."

"I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers."

"I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose."

"Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all."

"Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once."

"I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia."

"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying."

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