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Rodney Dangerfield

Explore inspiring quotes by Rodney Dangerfield, a remarkable figure whose words continue to inspire and motivate people around the world.

34
Total Quotes
22
Categories
2
Avg. Length
funny
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Top Categories by Rodney Dangerfield

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p

pet

3 quotes

t

time

3 quotes

f

funny

3 quotes

m

marriage

3 quotes

r

respect

2 quotes

f

family

2 quotes

m

morning

2 quotes

h

home

2 quotes

All Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

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"I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table."

-Rodney Dangerfield

ageView Quote
"With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me."

-Rodney Dangerfield

bestView Quote
"With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me."

-Rodney Dangerfield

birthdayView Quote
"My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive."

-Rodney Dangerfield

carView Quote
"I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it."

-Rodney Dangerfield

familyView Quote
"I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap."

-Rodney Dangerfield

familyView Quote
"I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table."

-Rodney Dangerfield

foodView Quote
"I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people."

-Rodney Dangerfield

funnyView Quote
"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."

-Rodney Dangerfield

funnyView Quote
"I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap."

-Rodney Dangerfield

funnyView Quote
"Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'"

-Rodney Dangerfield

godView Quote
"I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me."

-Rodney Dangerfield

goodView Quote
"A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home."

-Rodney Dangerfield

homeView Quote
"My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home."

-Rodney Dangerfield

homeView Quote
"At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't."

-Rodney Dangerfield

hopeView Quote
"My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was."

-Rodney Dangerfield

jealousyView Quote
"I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table."

-Rodney Dangerfield

lifeView Quote
"It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass."

-Rodney Dangerfield

marriageView Quote
"We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together."

-Rodney Dangerfield

marriageView Quote
"My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend."

-Rodney Dangerfield

marriageView Quote
"When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother."

-Rodney Dangerfield

medicalView Quote
"Men who do things without being told draw the most wages."

-Rodney Dangerfield

menView Quote
"This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me."

-Rodney Dangerfield

morningView Quote
"My mother had morning sickness after I was born."

-Rodney Dangerfield

morningView Quote
"I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it."

-Rodney Dangerfield

petView Quote
"What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm."

-Rodney Dangerfield

petView Quote
"I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get."

-Rodney Dangerfield

petView Quote
"I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest."

-Rodney Dangerfield

respectView Quote
"With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me."

-Rodney Dangerfield

respectView Quote
"I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out."

-Rodney Dangerfield

sportsView Quote
"I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it."

-Rodney Dangerfield

timeView Quote
"I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof."

-Rodney Dangerfield

timeView Quote
"Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide he exposes himself."

-Rodney Dangerfield

timeView Quote
"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender."

-Rodney Dangerfield

truthView Quote

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