Rita Rudner

"My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head."

"I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again."

"To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'"

"My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to."

"When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always."

"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight."