Jeff Foxworthy

"My grandma's the most careful, safe driver in the world. You put her in a rental car, and she's doing doughnuts in the K-Mart parking lot!"

"If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck."

"My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this."

"I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did."

"You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education."

"If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'"