Quotes by Dave Barry - AI Generated Quotes

Dave Barry

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers.

-Dave Barry

age

The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye color, age and Social Security number.

-Dave Barry

age

It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money.

-Dave Barry

art

Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.

-Dave Barry

business

Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes.

-Dave Barry

business

Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down.

-Dave Barry

car

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.

-Dave Barry

car

I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems.

-Dave Barry

car

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.

-Dave Barry

communication

I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.

-Dave Barry

computers

The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.

-Dave Barry

computers

The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.

-Dave Barry

cool

What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.

-Dave Barry

death

The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.

-Dave Barry

death

As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.

-Dave Barry

fear

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

-Dave Barry

food

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

-Dave Barry

funny

The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.

-Dave Barry

funny

The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.

-Dave Barry

future

I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.

-Dave Barry

good

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.

-Dave Barry

history

Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.

-Dave Barry

life

Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically.

-Dave Barry

men

It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money.

-Dave Barry

money

Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.

-Dave Barry

nature

We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.

-Dave Barry

patriotism

Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship.

-Dave Barry

relationship

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

-Dave Barry

religion

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers.

-Dave Barry

religion

Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you will not find me saying so in print.

-Dave Barry

religion

I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news personalities make sad faces for sad stories and happy faces for happy stories.

-Dave Barry

sad

The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example.

-Dave Barry

science

The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.

-Dave Barry

society

Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.

-Dave Barry

sports

The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter.

-Dave Barry

sports

Dave Barry

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers.

The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye color, age and Social Security number.

It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money.

Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.

Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes.

Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down.

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.

I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems.

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.

I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.

The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.

The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.

What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.

The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.

As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.

The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.

I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.

Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.

Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically.

It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money.

Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.

We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.

Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers.

Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you will not find me saying so in print.

I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news personalities make sad faces for sad stories and happy faces for happy stories.

The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example.

The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.

Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.

The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter.

Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions.

Other Authors to Explore

John Hurt

Alberto Fujimori

George William Curtis

Philip Knight

Howard Koch

Karen Thompson Walker

Graham Chapman

Eugenio Montale