Groucho Marx

"I must confess, I was born at a very early age."

"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies."

"Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know."

"She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon."

"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."

"A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five."